Saturday, August 6, 2011

Mom is a person too!!!

I am a mom but I am a person, too. I married young, I was nineteen and I don't think I had really figured out who I was yet or what I wanted to do with my life at the time. I am so grateful for my husband and my children but I do wish that I had the opportunity for a little more self exploration before becoming a mom. Let me be clear, I don't regret anything about my family. I just wish I knew more of myself first. I was pregnant with our first baby only a month after we were married; I was on birth control so I'm sure that little boy was supposed to be here. I was married at nineteen and then had our first baby, David, shortly after I turned twenty.
David was born prematurely so Paul and I weren't even married for a year yet and we were spending our days in the NICU at the hospital thirty minutes from our little home. Five months later, he died. My husband and I were thrown into a difficult situation early in our marriage and I still had no idea who I was. I was in mourning and ignored my growth and development and focused on what I didn't have. Finally, we had another child two years later and I felt it was time to figure it out but I worked full time and was a mommy and a wife. Who was I? I still didn't know. We adopted another child two years and I did the best thing I could have --- I became a stay at home mom.
Being a stay at home mom wasn't quite what I thought it would be. I wasn't sitting down on the sofa watching movies and eating bon-bons all day like I expected. I was busy chasing children but I got to know them better and I got to know myself a bit more too. I stay busy though. 

So, the question I was recently asked was, "how do you define yourself?" Being a mom takes up so much of my time so when people ask me questions like this I really have to stop and think. Before, I couldn't have answered. I just stood there with a blank expression on my face. I still have a blank expression but I know me a little bit more. I am a mom first and foremost but I am also a reader, a writer; I am a wife and a friend; I am a sister and a daughter. I am more than a mom... I am a person.

I have learned more about me and who I am but I have also learned that I will continue to learn more about myself every day of my life.
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