Mother's Day is not easy

Mother's Day is hard for many women. Some who desire to be a mother, some who have lost a mother, some who have lost a child, some who feel they are not what they should be and many other reasons. Mother's Day is not my favorite day of the year... not even close. I think it's great that moms are honored. They should be. We work really hard. However, often mothers are made to look unrealistic as people talk about them. They discuss how "perfect" their mothers were, making those of us struggling through being a mother feel very, very small.
For me, the hardest Mother's Day was 2004. It was the first Mother's Day after my son died.

I remember at Church they announced for all the mothers to stand so they could pass flowers around to them. I didn't stand because I felt awkward. I knew I was a mother but I had failed in that job. I didn't want others to think I was unworthy of that title because my child had died. I had failed in nurturing and protecting him. He was born to early because my womb failed. I was sitting there and suddenly those around me urged me stand up so I could accept that flower. That was uncomfortable for me too. I loved that I was being recognized as a mother but did I really deserve that title?

Today is a day when women are praised and put on a pedestal. It's horrible. It's uncomfortable. Everyone had the perfect mom... everyone makes all their children's clothing, never yells, reads books to their children every night, lets them participate in all the extra curricular activities they want, sing them songs, teach them to play instruments, are beautiful, do crafts and activities all the time...etc. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of all the things I have failed at. I was exhausted so I didn't read to my children, I keep trying to teach my children to play the piano but then we forget to do the lessons and I fail at making them practice. I yell --- yet another fail. It just goes on and on.

Last year I gave a talk on Motherhood. It's a lot of my thoughts. We work hard. We accomplish a lot. We don't accomplish everything and we make plenty of mistakes along the way but we grow. The important thing is that we love our children. In that talk I said this, "Ezra Taft Benson made this profound statement that puts great amounts of pressure on me. 'Mothers in Zion, your God-given roles are so vital to our own exaltation and to the salvation and exaltation of your family. A child needs a mother more than all the things money can buy. Spending time with your children is the greatest gift of all.'" 

The full talk can be found HERE.

I loved this talk because even if I don't get all the crafts done with my kids over the summer that I want, or have a perfectly spotless home or occasionally yell at my kids, I know that I have spent time with them and that they know I love that. I live the gospel and set an example for them and for that, I will be pleased with myself. I hope that through my children's eyes I have earned that sacred title of "mother" and will be with them for the eternities. I love being a mom and I love spending my days with them and watching them grow and learn. Happy Mother's Day.

Easter in our home...

There was a talk given today which expressed the same thing I have expressed on multiple occasions with my family so I thought I'd share it here now.

Which is more important, the birth of the Savior or the Atonement? Now, granted, the Atonement could not have happened without the birth, however, the Atonement is far more important. Anyone can be born, in fact, every is born. However, only one could go through the Atonement. One man atoned for every sin everyone on Earth has ever or will ever made. Then, he suffered, died on the cross, and was resurrected for US!! Now, I ask again, which should be celebrated more, the birth or the Atonement?

In our home, we spend a week on Easter. In 2009 I posted about our week of Easter. We still do that tradition. By the end of the week, our wall looks like this.

Our week before Easter looks a little something like this:

Monday: we read the Easter story from the new testament. Then we discuss the picture of the Triumphal Entry and what is happening. We also put up an LOA (Love One Another) poster on our wall. It's the LOA Wall. ;) We write on it throughout the week of things we love about each other. I think it's fun. Most of it is written in my handwriting. I think there's only 1 comment on there about me. LOL! I may express why I love everyone on there a bit too much.

In past years (not this year) I've made cupcakes and turned them upside down. The kids frost them with chocolate frosting, put green colored coconut flakes on it and and then put a vanilla wafer on it as the tomb door. It becomes and edible tomb. ;)

Tuesday: We discuss this picture....

Then we have eat and pretend we're at the last supper. Sometimes the kids dress up as apostles using sheets and things. Some years they have looked more like togas but... whatever. ;)

Wednesday: We discuss Gethsemane and what happened there....

Thursday: We discuss the Betrayal.

Then we talk about friendship and how to be a good friend and why it's important. We also talk about what a good friend would be to Jesus.

Friday: We discuss the Crucifixion.

This is generally a movie night. There are two great movies we watch this night. We either watch The Lamb of God

This is part one of 3 different parts. They're all on youtube though.

Or, we watch The Easter Dream --- this one is better for younger children than The Lamb of God and they both lead into great discussions after the movies.

Saturday: The Tomb

Then we make Easter Story Cookies.

This is also the day we do egg hunts and the kids get their Easter baskets.

Sunday: We discuss the Resurrection.

We go to church, make resurrection rolls, and have a big spring feast. ;)

Anyways.... that is our week of Easter! :) Don't you think it deserves more than one day?

Lord, give me an understanding heart.

I am currently in Kings in my scripture study. I must say it is quite a depressing area to be. I just finished chapter 17 and everything seems to be going downhill. It made me think of back when Samuel (1 Samuel 8) warned the people of what a king would do:

1. He will make your sons serve him for his chariots and horsemen.
2. He will appoint captains over thousands.
3. He will assign people to cultivate his fields and harvest the food and to make his weapons.
4. He will take your daughters to make ointments and perfumes and to be cooks and bakers.
5. He will take your fields and vineyards and give them to his servants.
6. He will take taxes.
7. He will take the best of you and your servants and use them for himself.
8. You shall be his servant

Then Samuel says (1 Samuel 8: 18), "And ye shall cry out in that day because of your king which he shall have chosen you; and the Lord will not hear you in that day."

Okay.... now fast forward to Solomon. He started off as an amazing king (like many of the others) and quickly fell (again, like many of the others). Israel had a physically appealing king - Saul, a king with a good heart - David, and a king with a wise mine - Solomon. They all fail. Looks like the Lord may have been right.

When God asked Solomon "What shall I give unto thee?" Solomon only asked for an understanding heart. (1 Kings 3:9).

Howard W. Hunter said, "If the Lord was pleased because of that which Solomon had asked of him, surely he would be pleased because of that which Solomon had asked of him, surely he would be pleased with each of us if we had the desire to acquire an understanding heart. This must come from conscious effort coupled with faith and firm determination. An understanding heart results from the experiences we have in life if we keep the commandments of God...
"... The ills of the world would be cured by understanding. Wards would cease and crime disappear. The scientific knowledge now being wasted in the world because of the distrust of men and nations could be diverted to bless mankind. Atomic energy will destroy unless used for peaceful purposes by understanding hearts.
"We need more understanding in our relationships with one another, in business and in industry, between management and labor, between government and the governed. We need understanding in that most important of all social units, the family; understanding between children and parents and between husband and wife. marriage would bring happiness, and divorce would be unknown if there were understanding hearts. Hatred tears down, but understanding builds up.
"Our prayer could well be as was Solomon's, 'Lord, give me an understanding heart.'" (Conference, Apr 1962)

I happen to love this quote. It has become my new "mantra". It's a long mantra though. LOL! 

Unfortunately, Solomon allowed his love for material things to become more important than his love for the Lord. Instead of focusing on God he focused on building the most elaborate buildings. He was complimented over and over by other rulers and he thrived on it. He thrived on it so much that he enslaved his people to build the buildings and taxed his people into poverty to pay for these buildings. This made me think of a recent conference talk we had. In fact, it was this past Sunday. :) It was "Where Your Treasure Is" by Elder Michael Teh (it's at the bottom of this post).

I think it's very important that we do not forget our blessings. We can find those in our Patriarchal blessing for constant reminders. Read them often and don't forget them so they're not lost like Solomon's was!!

You can read Elder Teh's talk or watch it here or read it below:

Shortly after general conference in October 2007, one of my brethren told me that it would be about seven years before I got this harrowing experience again. I was relieved and told him that I would consider it my “seven years of plenty.” Well, here I am; my seven years of plenty have come to an end.

Last January my sweetheart, Grace, and I received an assignment to visit the members in the Philippines who were devastated by a major earthquake and a super typhoon. We rejoiced because the assignment was an answer to our prayers and a testament to the mercy and goodness of a loving Father in Heaven. It provided some closure to our longing to personally express to them our love and concern.

Most of the members we met were still living in temporary shelters like tents, community centers, and Church meetinghouses. The homes we visited had either partial roofing or no roofing at all. The people did not have much to begin with, and what little they had was swept away. There was mud and debris everywhere. However, they were full of gratitude for the little help they received and were in good spirits despite their very difficult circumstances. When we asked them how they were coping, everyone responded with a resounding, “We’re OK.” Obviously, their faith in Jesus Christ gave them hope that everything would work out eventually. Home after home, tent after tent, Sister Teh and I were being taught by these faithful Saints.

In times of calamity or tragedy, the Lord has a way of refocusing us and our priorities. All of a sudden, all the material things we worked so hard to acquire do not matter. All that matters is our family and our relationships with others. One good sister put it this way: “After the water receded and it was time to begin cleaning up, I looked around my home and thought, ‘Wow, I have accumulated a lot of garbage these many years.’”

I suspect that this sister has gained a better perspective and henceforth will be very cautious in deciding which things are necessary and which ones she really can live without.

In working with many members over the years, we have been pleased to observe an abundance of spiritual strength. We have also seen both an abundance and a lack of material possessions among these faithful members.

Out of necessity, most of us are involved in earning money and acquiring some of the world’s goods to be able to sustain our families. It requires a good part of our time and attention. There is no end to what the world has to offer, so it is critical that we learn to recognize when we have enough. If we are not careful, we will begin to chase after the temporal more than the spiritual. Our pursuit for the spiritual and eternal will then take a backseat, instead of the other way around. Sadly, there appears to be a strong inclination to acquire more and more and to own the latest and the most sophisticated.

How do we make sure that we are not drawn down this path? Jacob gives this counsel: “Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness.”¹

I hope none of us spend money for that which is of no worth nor labor for that which does not satisfy.

The Savior taught the following to both the Jews and the Nephites:

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”²

In another setting, the Savior gave this parable:

“The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully:

“And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits?

“And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods.

“And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry.

“But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided?

“So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”³

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave the following counsel not too long ago:

“Our Heavenly Father sees our real potential. He knows things about us that we do not know ourselves. He prompts us during our lifetime to fulfill the measure of our creation, to live a good life, and to return to His presence.

“Why, then, do we devote so much of our time and energy to things that are so fleeting, so inconsequential, and so superficial? Do we refuse to see the folly in the pursuit of the trivial and transient?”⁴

We all know that our list of earthly treasures consists of pride, wealth, material things, power, and the honors of men. They do not merit any more time and attention, so I will focus instead on the things that will constitute our treasures in heaven.

What are some treasures in heaven that we can lay up for ourselves? For starters, it will be well for us to acquire the Christlike attributes of faith, hope, humility, and charity. We have been counseled repeatedly to “[put] off the natural man and … [become] as a child.”⁵ The Savior’s admonition is for us to strive to be perfect like Him and our Heavenly Father.⁶

Second, we need to put more quality time and effort into strengthening family relationships. After all, “the family is ordained of God. It is the most important unit in time and in eternity.”⁷

Third, serving others is a hallmark of a true follower of Christ. He said, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”⁸

Fourth, understanding the doctrine of Christ and strengthening our testimony is a labor that will bring real joy and satisfaction. We need to consistently study the words of Christ as found in the scriptures and the words of living prophets. “For behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.”⁹

May I conclude with the story of a 73-year-old widow whom we met during our trip to the Philippines:

When the earthquake struck the island of Bohol, the home that she and her late husband had worked so hard to build crumbled to the ground, killing her daughter and grandson. Now alone, she needs to work to support herself. She has started taking in laundry (which she does by hand) and has to go up and down a good-sized hill several times a day to fetch water. When we visited her, she was still living in a tent.

These are her words: “Elder, I accept everything that the Lord has asked me to pass through. I have no hard feelings. I treasure my temple recommend and keep it under my pillow. Please know that I pay a fulltithing on my meager income from doing laundry. No matter what happens, I will always pay tithing.”

I bear testimony that our priorities, tendencies, inclinations, desires, appetites, and passions will have a direct bearing on our next estate. Let us always remember the words of the Savior: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” May our hearts be found in the right place is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.